When you are a senior like me, this selection is a challenge. The Merriam Webster Dictionary gave it a new definition in September 2019 and since then, it has sustained a 313% increase in the numbers of times searched. “They” is now described as a singular pronoun used to refer to a person whose gender identity is non binary. A non binary person is someone whose gender identity isn’t exclusively male or female. Some people who are non binary experience their gender as both male and female and others experience their gender as neither male or female. If you need to read this once or twice, join the club. It is difficult to get your head to absorb it.
I am pretty certain this morning I showered in the pool showers with a non binary person. I was a very naked “older” which is what I am calling myself these days. “They” were very tall and muscular in an abbreviated wetsuit. But I am guessing. It did make me think about the new sign on the locker room door, “This is a Gender Neutral facility”. It used to be simple or so I thought, before I entered into the process of being challenged by the millennial generation.
I remember when as a feminist Christian I was very dedicated to changing all the pronouns for God. “God’s a She, a He He’s not!” “Our Father” became “Holy One”. Editions of the Bible were published with all the male pronouns for God erased. It meant you had to say God in a lot of sentences. I made it through this. Now God is definitely non binary for me. Is this the best way to express this concept? Theologians out there, please advise.
I find that my conversations with other grandparents has let me know that this change is here to stay. Our grandchildren have this down. They have adjusted their pronouns and are inclusive. Gender is a broad spectrum with many points on which to locate oneself. I will check out what I have written with my sixteen year old grand child, my most reliable source, to make sure I am on the right track. Whoops, I almost said my “grand daughter”.
Do I use singular verbs with “They” as in “They is coming for dinner”? or is it “They are coming for dinner” when only one is? Apparently we are still conjugating grammatically and “they are” is correct when only one is.
My grand daughter has let me know that it is correct to call her my grand daughter because she identifies her gender as female and has told me so. She also has let me know that making an effort is what really counts. A non binary person is pleased to be able to discuss the issue with me and if I am open to being educated they are eager to teach me. The proper use of “they” in its new definition is a work in progress and I am advised to be on a learning curve.
Thus Merriam Webster, in its choice of word for this year, invites us all to become more inclusive in our speech. It is good to know we will be appreciated if we try.
While reflecting on “they” I have some other words to put forward.
Woke is getting used all the time. I have been thinking that it was a short form for being awakened after a spiritual experience or even a long sleep, even a nap. How unaware of me.
No, it means being conscious of racial discrimination and other forms of oppression in society.
I definitely want to be woke and I expect you do too.
Animus For this word I felt on firm Jungian ground. Animus is an archetype and as such indicates the unconscious masculine side of the woman. Those of you therapists probably thought as I did.
But alas no. Chris Cuomo on his CNN show uses the word often and it is usually connected to President Trump and his animus. It is now defined as hostility or ill will. It can also mean the desire to act strongly. I find it is almost a code word for angry.
Proxy I think this means that if Iran wants to attack America right now the best way to do it is get someone else to do it so it won’t look like they did it! if Iran can get some one in Syria or Lebanon to do something bad to the USA, then Iran will have attacked by proxy. Pretty sneaky and effective I would say.
Perhaps at this moment both the USA and Iran will be wishing that they reined in their “animus” and used proxies to express their hostilities.
Gaslighting This one is a dilly. I manipulate you by psychological means into questioning your own sanity. Maybe I am prejudiced but I am pretty sure that most of you who are women have experienced this. I have been thoroughly and overwhelming gaslighted in my lifetime. When you want desparately want to be right, engaging in gaslighting is very attractive. I think it can be easily done to children in abusive homes. I have seen versions of it in couple therapy over and over again through the years of my work. We can do this to one another. I have discovered that it is pretty easy to get a person to doubt their veracity. it seems women are most susceptible. It depends on trust and then trust makes one vulnerable to gaslighting.
The term came from a 1938 British play and subsequent movie called Gaslight. It goes something like this: a bad and manipulative husband sets out to have his wife believe she is insane and then he can have her committed. He turns the gas lights in their home up and down. When she notices, then he convinces her that this is simply not true and what she is seeing is not happening. The plot involves murder and jewels and a really evil husband. Please google it to get this fully straight. I get pretty riled up over this one. It is proffered that POTUS (President of The USA) engages in this technique. When you have been convinced by someone you trust that what you think is not what is happening, in all likelihood gaslighting is occurring.
Mansplaining Have you been with a group as a woman and tried to make a point? Suddenly you discover that a man or all of the men in this group know more about the subject than you do? If this has happened then you are experiencing mansplaining. Whatever you know about the subject has been trumped. (pun intended). Whoever is mansplaining you is sure they know more, if not the most about this and pretty much everything else as well. Narcissistic males are particularly good at this mansplaining thing.
I hope you have enjoyed my attempt to be current in 2020 and I did not even mention quid pro quo!